A Year of Sofia Ysabel

Viper's training ground

Dearest Sofia,

A year ago, August 4, 2010, I came back from a trip to India suspecting I was pregnant. I was sooo excited – yes, I’m pretty excitable. I had been telling my officemate, Tita Lottie, the days before of my suspicions.
On our taxi ride to the airport I even told my boss, Tito Cesar! Your Dad had previously told me he was excited to have our next baby (you!) because that baby would complete our family.

I bought a pregnancy test kit on my way home and took it right away. The test was positive! I called your Dad and we agreed we’d wait for him to come home and tell your kuyas first before telling the whole world. What’s funny is that Uncle Gabby soon called me to say that they just found out Tita Mench was pregnant too! I said my congratulations and did my best to keep you secret for a few more hours until Daddy and I could tell your kuyas.

We have loved you dearly since that day. We all brimmed with excitement for the day you would be born, but even from inside me you were already an integral part of our family. Kuya Tyler boasted to everyone that he was a kuya now. We spoke with you, and your dad and kuyas showered you with lots of love and kisses.

We listened to your brothers’ playlist over and over. Songs are like bookmarks in time, and those songs will always remind me of having our family in the car, your kuyas singing, you dancing in my tummy. Oh how I long for those days because you were still safe inside me…

Your Dad was the one who came up with your beautiful name, Sofia Ysabel, soon after we found out you were a girl last December. We wanted to keep it secret until you came out though, so we called you princess first It was an agonizing time for Kuya Yoachim, who kept guessing and guessing at your name but we knew that if we told him the whole world would find out prematurely. Kuya Tyler was content with calling you baby princess. Before going to the hospital 4 months ago, last April 4, we finally shared your name with your kuyas and then only later on with the world, when we sent out your birth announcement.

A year has passed since we confirmed you were inside me. I never could have imagined what we would go through. Looking at your empty drawers hurt. Seeing all the clothes that had waited for you would have hurt just the same. I love you so much and am comforted by the thoughts that you’re in the best place you could be in right now, that you’re with us in spirit, and that one day we will be together again.

Love you so, so much,
Mommy

P. S. As I posted before in Our Two Worlds, your Kung Fu Panda fan kuyas have designated Daddy as Master Shifu, me as Tigress, Kuya Yoachim as Po, Kuya Tyler as Monkey, and you as Viper. I hope you like that Master Shifu found you a temple to train and play in right beside your body’s final resting place.

 

Our Two Worlds

Lovingly inflated by one of her nurses We had some spaghetti to celebrate.

I feel like Nhatz and I live in 2 worlds – our NICU world and the real world.

Every morning we wake up in the real world – have some time with the two boys, run errands, etc. Then we go to the hospital and enter our NICU world. We’ve walked the halls and entered the door to this NICU world for about 60 days now.

Our NICU routine starts with turning in expressed milk to Sofia’s bedside nurse. We then get a key to a locker where we stash our bags. We scrub to our elbows and wear a cover gown. I wonder how much lotion a doctor or nurse has to use to keep his/her skin from drying up from all the washing that comes with the job.

We sit beside Sofia, read her her story for the day (usually from Nhatz’s Story Chimes ), touch her, talk to her and pray with her. We talk to the doctors and nurses about things like her oxygen saturation, platelet count, white blood cell count – her “metrics that matter” in my office parlance. We make it a point to be positive around her. Good thing coz we later found out our neonatologist scolds parents who bring negative vibes in the NICU! I’m thankful that Sofia has genuinely caring doctors and nurses.

There are lots of beeping sounds from the machines connected to the babies – body temperature monitors, pulse oxymeters, things that control IV infusions. I used to think a beeeep was bad – in the movies it is followed by either a flatline or some dramatic effort to revive the patient. In the NICU world the nurses just reset a button to shut up the alarm. It usually means there was a blip in the reading because of movement from the baby or the fluid being infused is about to end.

There’s also a NICU parents’ club. You don’t want to join this club but if you’ve got a baby in the NICU, hey, you’re in! Parents who get to know each other after some time, get to talking about their respective babies’ situations, and encourage each other to hang in there. When Sofia was about to be taken to the OR so the cath for her peritoneal dialysis could be put in, a mother I haven’t really spoken with mouthed “kaya niya yan” (she can deal with that).

And then we go home to the real world. The real world is full of both precious moments and mundane stuff. Right now the two boys are into Kung Fu Panda – Nhatz is Master Shifu, I’m Tigress, Yoachim is Po, Tyler is Monkey, and they have assigned Sofia as Viper.

Can’t wait to bring Sofia into our real world.